Woke up from a very uneasy sleep and decided to finally find the answers to the questions I’ve been asking myself for quite some while now. I don’t really care if it takes me all day, but I need to try and find an end to this suffering.
Perhaps the cruelest thing fate can ever do to you is give you everything your heart desires, offer complete and absolute bliss and then stealthily snatch it away from you. It is difficult to accept the ordinary once you have tasted perfection. The natural instinct of a human in the given circumstances is blatant denial, to accept that such a thing could happen to me, unable to absorb the shock, I immediately enter a state of withdrawal. I cannot accept the words, ‘The world is a dark, harsh, evil place filled with endless pain’. No, I simply can not. In this part of the world, in MY part of the world, ‘magic’ has always existed. For some reason, I have grown up believing that anything is possible, anything is attainable by simply wanting it. Fiercely. Passionately. Therefore, my reflex was to somehow find ways to sort up the mess, not realising that this time the damage caused is irrevocable.
For indeed, an artist’s worst nighmare, is waking up to the bullshit people call ‘reality’. I have observed that if a thing is truly ‘yours’, in the purest essence of the word, it will unconditionally return. Recent incidents have tried too hard to deter this belief of mine. In this sadly, they have been thoroughly unsuccessful. I have not and will not stop hoping.
But since I have some time to spare, and writing this helps putting things into perspective, I have allowed myself to consider other possibilites. For instance the idea of chasing fame, fortune, happiness, love, without realising that it is an illusion. That true happiness lies within.
Until I realise how pessimistic of a an approach it is towards life. How can we digest the concept that everything that lies ahead will eventually be unfruitful?
The human race is biologically programmed to want more. There is no end to human endeavor, we’re undisputedly the most ambitious species on earth. Sure, being satisfied in your current means is beautiful, but in my opinion, not trying to improve your way of living and/or refusing to use the capabilities of our amazingly wired brain to its fullest potential is pure laziness. No religion or belief must prevent us from experiencing life and finding our own distinct truths.
I am yet to find answers but I continue to hope, that my questions will not go unanswered.